


Think of What You Want

by papyrus4sirus



Series: Adjust Your Insides [1]
Category: Jurassic World (2015)
Genre: Eventual Incest, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Post-Movie(s), Sibling Incest, Underage Kissing, eventual slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4251870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papyrus4sirus/pseuds/papyrus4sirus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A progression of the relationship between Zach and Gray after the events of Jurassic World.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

Two knocks resounded on Zach’s bedroom door.

Deep asleep Zach’s subconscious registered the sound. He began to stir. A sound, like a valve being released or like the sound of bees swarming filled his ears and then what followed was deafening silence and full awareness. Suddenly a knock sounded; timid, but audible enough in the quiet of his room. Realizing this was the noise that roused him Zach called out, “Come in.”

It had to be 2:00 in the morning, maybe later.

The shadowy figure of his brother entered the room, gently closing the door behind him. A few snuffles were heard as Gray seated himself in front of the nightstand, his head leaning back against it and knees tucked into his chest.

Zach lay on his side, facing the nightstand, one arm dangling off the bed. He repressed a yawn.

“What’s wrong, Gray?” This was not the first time Gray had wandered to his room in a state.

Unexpected sobs wracked Gray’s body. The streetlamp outside shed a cold blue tone throughout the room, making Grays profile just barely visible. Tears rolled down his cheeks, shining in the strange light.

“I had a dream that you died.” He managed to say through gulping breaths. Zach reasoned it must have been a bad death, or a hyper realistic one to produce such an affect.

“Shh, Gray. It’s alright I’m right here. We made it off the island together.” Zach consoled. A month prior he would have ridiculed his brother over such a display. He was a different person now just as Gray was. The arm that had been hanging off the bed now reached for Gray’s shoulder and held it there.

The contact seemed to calm Gray. They stayed like that for awhile; both brothers solidifying the basic knowledge that they were alive and that they were together.

The sound of Zach’s watch on the nightstand ticking and the sound of pipes creaking filled the silence between them. Five minutes had passed and Gray was now quiet looking like a ghost, somehow brighter.

The sight of it made Zach uncomfortable. His eyes had likely better adjusted to the darkness. That was the reasonable explanation.

“Can I stay?” Gray asked, staring straight ahead.

Zach searched his profile, looking for all the signs of life: the quiver of a lip, the flutter of full lashes.

“Of course.” Zach couldn’t refuse him this, not when he needed it just as bad.

With his left arm, Zach lifted the cover beside him as invitation. Gray popped up and walked over to that side of the bed, sliding into the warmth and out of the cool light.

Zach rolled over to face him.

“I dream about you dying too.”

 Gray turned so that they were face to face. They looked at each other for the space of a few heartbeats. Then Zach rolled onto his back, “But we’re okay. We always come back to each other.”

“Yeah.” Gray agreed, mimicking his brother’s movement and laying on his back.

Gray’s left hand cautiously reached over and tapped the back of Zach’s right hand. Zach turned his palm up which was immediately enveloped by his brothers, their fingers lacing together and holding tight.

“Night, Gray.”

“Good night, Zach.”


	2. II

Days seemed too ordinary now; family breakfast, school, a sitcom. It felt calm. Not the kind that’s peaceful but the kind that waits in anticipation of something awful to strike, to shatter.

Maybe it was just the PTSD. Things had to get better.

“You should break up with her.” Gray said one afternoon in their living room, eyes scanning the pages of his new book. Startled, Zach looked over at him.

“What?”

Gray placed the book on the coffee table and looked up at him.

“You don’t like her, even less now that we’re back.”  Gray spoke calmly, sounding much too old for his age.

Zach looked away, brow furrowed. H e wanted to explain that it wasn’t so simple, that Gray was too young to understand. But in reality none of that was true. It was a line of bullshit he couldn’t bring himself to say.

A few days later and Zach called it off with Kelly. Gray was right, he always was.

 

Nights were always worse. Whatever bizarre reality day time seemed to spin for them was nothing compared to the terror of nightmares. If the brothers hadn’t fallen asleep together there was a good chance one would join the other in their room in the middle of the night. It was a coping mechanism. Hand holding was a common occurrence, it stabilized reality. If Zach could see it and touch it then it was real.

One morning the sun was peeking through a few blinds that had gone askew. A pattern of light was sketched on Gray’s cheek. Zach watched it, fixated by how ethereal and alive Gray looked. Unthinking, he reached out laying his hand against his cheek, feeling the warmth of it. When Gray stirred, Zach withdrew his hand as if he had been electrocuted.

Zach looked at the blinds of his window but didn’t see them. 


	3. III

Gray sat cross-legged on the dryer while Zach pulled laundry from it.

“You get really quiet sometimes, more than you used to.” Gray observed from his perch.

Zach continued to fold the laundry, not bothering to look at his brother.

“Probably something to do with almost being eaten by a dinosaur.” Zach drawled.

“I mean…” Gray trailed off, “is it just because of what happened on the island, or is it something else?”

 Zach shrugged, looking at his brother now, “What else would it be?”

Gray returned the shrug quickly turning his eyes to the watch on his wrist and fiddling with it. Zach resumed folding laundry.

Dinners were strange now that their mom and dad were divorcing. The cheerfulness felt forced, likely they were under the misguided notion that this made it easier on their kids. They were wrong. The announcement of the divorce had brought new tensions to the household. Although Zach and Gray were privy to it, hearing the words from their parents felt like the final nail in the family coffin. It would all have to work out though.

After school one day, Gray lay on his bed with a book propped up on his chest. Zach came through the open door and lay down next to him, pulling out his phone to play temple run. Gray shifted closer to Zach so that their heads and shoulders were touching. They stayed like that for some time, both absorbed in their separate things. Until Gray marked the page he was on and put the book on his nightstand. Gray pressed his full body along Zach’s right side, nuzzling his face into Zach’s chest and then growing still. Zach paused his game to wrap an arm around his brother’s shoulders before resuming playing. Grays hand was wadded up tight in the material of Zach’s shirt as he listened to his breathing and felt the pull of Zach’s arm as he sought to beat his highest score.

 

The room felt warm and endless.

 

 


	4. IV

Gray came home from school one day with two very bloody knees.

“What happened?” Zach questioned, panic skirting the edges of his voice.

“I got pushed.” Gray replied.

“By who?” Zach sounded angry.

Gray looked up at him through his bangs, “It was an accident.”

Zach said nothing more but gestured for Gray to follow him. He led him to the bathroom where the first aid kit was kept. Zach instructed Gray to sit on the edge of the tub while he seated himself on the closed toilet seat.

“Does it hurt?” Zach prodded, reaching for a cotton ball and antiseptic.

“It did at the time, I’m okay though.” Gray reassured.

Zach placed one hand on Gray’s knee to steady him while with the other he dabbed at the wound. Gray flinched but did not protest. Diligently he cleaned both the wounds and wiped away the blood that had seeped down his shins. Zach applied a large band aid to each knee.

“That should help.” Zach said, returning supplies to the kit that sat cradled on his lap.

“Thanks!” Gray piped, standing up from the ledge. Without warning Gray swooped in to kiss Zach on the cheek and then bounded out the door.

After being momentarily stunned Zach regained movement, slowly closing the lid to the kit.

 

A day later Gray sat on their couch with his legs stretched across Zach’s lap. He was working on his math homework while Zach watched TV.

Without prompting, Zach began to pull the Band-Aid away from Grays left knee. A scab had formed. Zach poked at it curiously, feeling the heated and puckered skin around the edges.

He removed the second Band-Aid and felt along the other healing wound.

Gray watched his movements.

Zach, satisfied with the healing, moved to toss the band-aids on the table.

“Do we have any ice cream?” Gray asked.

“No, but I can get us some.” Zach said with a conspiratorial smile.

“Come on!” Zach pushed Grays legs aside and raced to his dad’s office, Gray trailing behind.

“Could we have some cash?”

His dad reached into his pocket and handed it over without question.

“Thanks, dad!” They chimed in falsetto, running from the room. A mumbled “no problem” was heard behind them.

They got spumoni and ate the whole carton in one sitting, out of their parent’s sight.


	5. V

Zach stood with arms crossed in the doorframe of his brother’s room watching as Gray pulled down a poster of a T-Rex from his wall.

“Have you lost all interest in dinosaurs?”

“Just the ones with lots of teeth.” Gray replied matter-of-factly.

Zach smiled at the response. Abruptly, overwhelming laughter bubbled out of him, he didn’t know why. Gray looked over, startled, but immediately started to laugh until they were just two cackling loons.

 

On the first sunny Sunday they lay in the backyard together, shoulder to shoulder. Both in short sleeve shirts, the skin of their arms rubbed together. They watched the clouds, Gray seeing shapes that Zach couldn’t. They reminisced about happy times, the defining moments of their childhood, their time together.

After a lull in their conversation, Gray gently acknowledged: “You’re nicer to me now.”

Gray was right, but Zach didn’t know what to say to that. He could very clearly remember all the times he was a spectacular asshole, but it wasn’t something he wanted to fixate on.

“Is it pity?” Gray sounded tentative.

Disbelieving, Zach turned his head to Gray.

“Of course not! I could have lost you there. We could have lost each other.” The word ‘died’ would have been too harsh for this conversation, and Zach couldn’t bring himself to say it, not in the daylight.

“You said you’d never lie to me.” Gray admonished sounding upset. In an instant he was on his feet and walking away.

“I’m not!” Zach replied earnestly, sitting up in the grass.

He watched Gray’s retreating figure with uncertainty. Puzzled, he lay back down and pondered Gray’s words.

Later that night Zach approached Gray in the dining room. Gray’s homework was sprawled out on the table and he didn’t look up. Zach braced his arms on the back of a dining chair that was opposite Gray’s.

“It’s not pity, okay.”

“Okay.” Said Gray, still scribbling notes on his paper.

Zach just stared at him.

Gray sighed. He set his pencil down and looked away. “I know that I like you more than you like me.”

“Hey, look at me.” Gray turned his head to meet Zach’s eyes.

“That’s not true.” Zach said seriously, “I like you more than you could know. We’re brothers. Nothing will change that.”

Gray still looked skeptical, which was then followed by a look of disappointment that Zach found strange.

 

“Okay.” Gray conceded resuming his homework.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brother Sport by Animal Collective was the inspo for this chapter. Have a [listen.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEzPId5AGpM)


	6. VI

A strain fractured the bond between Zach and Gray. It was an unspoken tension felt since the day they spent in their yard. Neither of them felt the need to talk about it more. Nights were mostly spent alone in their respective beds; bad dreams not even budging them together.

Until a thunderstorm hit.

The roar of thunder woke Zach from a deep sleep. The whole house shook with the force of it. It was always unsettling to be jarred from sleep, more so when a few urgent knocks accompanied the ferocious sound.

“Yeah?”

Gray came in, closing the door quickly.

“Zach, do you hear it?” Grays frantic face was suddenly illuminated by a lightning bolt.

“It’s just thunder.” Zach said.

Another flash of lightning brought the room into focus. Grays body trembled visibly by the door.

“Come here.” Zach intoned softly.

The thunder rattled once more.

Gray remained frozen by the door.

“It sounds like the Indominus.” Gray confessed.

Now Zach understood his trepidation.

“Gray, please come here.” Zach beseeched, sitting up and throwing aside the bed covers.

Gray approached Zach, standing beside the bed.

With a sigh Zach grabbed Gray’s arm and pulled him onto the bed. Gray was malleable under his hands. He shifted his body so Gray sat in front of him, his back cradled against Zach’s chest.

Zach wrapped his arms around Gray’s torso and held him tight. He could still feel a tremor in his brother’s body.

Gray took a deep breath, “I know it’s not the Indominus…I know that.” He reassured more for himself than for Zach.

Zach rested his chin against Grays head, watching the lightning make patterns just outside his blinds.

 

With the break of dawn, birds were stirring and the world felt right again. Gray had fallen asleep in Zach’s bed. A week’s worth of tension had dissipated in the face of fear.  As Zach watched his brother sleep he felt a staggering amount of responsibility, it sat like a leaden weight in his stomach. 


	7. VII

Zach’s mind was a wilderness. No amount of music blasted through his beats headphones could renounce the chaos.

What unsettled him most was that he couldn’t catalogue his thoughts into a cohesive story.

He bummed a cigarette from a friend at school and smoked it anxiously on the steps of his house. The action of smoking felt uncharacteristic. He gave it a few puffs imagining it might solve his issue. Ultimately it created more issues and he stubbed it out. He retreated to the house and washed his hands. The scent of smoke still lingered.

He decided to shower.

A towel slung around his hips and the remnants of the cigarette hadn’t gone. He rinsed with mouth wash and thought maybe finally he felt like himself again.

He entered his bedroom, hair still dripping. Gray was there. They both paused looking at each other. The old Zach, in a less than friendly voice, would have told him to get out. There was no need for that now, he realized with startling clarity.

“I’ll come back.” Gray said quickly, looking partially embarrassed. He walked past Zach who watched him go.

 Zach closed the door, resting his forehead there.

 

Their mom made breakfast for dinner that night. She informed them both that dad would no longer be staying in the house while the divorce was finalizing. The news was unsurprising; they’d been seeing him less and less. Zach wondered where their dad was staying but couldn’t muster up the energy to ask.

Gray had been right when he said Zach was quieter these days; Zach felt it. He lost his voice somewhere around the end of Jurassic World waiting for a boat that couldn’t take him back to what had been.

 

There was no denying their family dynamic was changing. Saturday night was family night. Dad didn’t show up for it. Zach knew it upset Gray, but neither of them talked about it. Predictably their mom fell asleep early on the couch while the Terminator was playing. When they woke her she apologized and excused herself to bed.

After the film ended Zach and Gray continued to stay up since they didn’t have school the next day. They sat shoulder to shoulder snacking on sour patch kids and watching episodes of Friends. A groggy, comfortable feeling befell them both.

“Zach?”

“What?” He questioned turning to look at his little brother.

But Gray had nothing to say. They looked at each other for a brief second before Gray closed the distance between them, placing a closed kiss on Zach’s lips. Zach held still, his only reaction was to close his eyes. As soon as the sensation had appeared it was gone again. When Zach opened his eyes Gray was already looking at the TV.

Zach slowly turned his attention back to the show; a blanket of quietness settling over his mind.

He slung an arm around Gray’s shoulders and the two of them fell asleep like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This wilderness needs to get right out of my clothes and get into my [bedroom."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_42Sighttk)


	8. VIII

One morning before school their mom made eggs, toast and bacon for breakfast. Gray had never cared for eggs despite their versatility.

“The trick is to put Cholula on them.” Zach explained, pouring some of the sauce onto Gray’s plate.

“Tabasco is a good option too!” Their mom said cheerfully.

Zach looked at Gray and sternly shook his head ‘no’. Tabasco couldn’t compare.

“Just try it.” Zach said, watching Gray pick at his eggs.

Finally he took a bite. Zach waited anxiously. Gray took another bite, and then one more.

“It’s not horrible.” Gray conceded. Zach grinned, pleased with his work.

 

When their mom had to leave town for a conference they had the house to themselves. Their mom was more trusting of Zach since the events of Jurassic World; she no longer lectured him about being responsible, even when she went over the things Zach needed to do she lacked the condescension that had previously been commonplace. Zach was grateful.

They had mac and cheese for dinner each night followed by copious amounts of ice cream; Zach couldn’t help bending a few rules. The important things like keeping the house clean and doing homework were always saw to.  

On the last night before their mom returned they stayed up late, enjoying their small liberties while they could.

Gray lay on Zach’s bed. The light atop the nightstand casting an amber glow. Zach was on the bed too, sitting crisscross watching his brother as he talked about the prehistoric herbivores he still had a fondness for.

After a natural pause in the conversation, Zach slowly unfolded his legs and moved to lie on his side next to Gray who curiously watched his movements. With one hand Zach swept aside the bangs on Gray’s forehead leaving his hand to cradle the top of his head. With his other hand he angled Gray’s chin towards him. He lowered his head but paused, searching Gray’s eyes waiting for an affirmation. When Gray nodded he continued his descent. Gently their lips pressed together.

“Open up your mouth.” Zach whispered against Grays lips.

Gray obliged and Zach licked deep inside his mouth. Gray responded by mirroring his actions. Their tongues slowly rolled together, Zach occasionally sucking on Gray’s. They took turns licking into new parts of each other’s mouths, pleasant sighs and groans puncturing the silence. When they finally broke free from their explorations a string of saliva connected their lips before Zach ran a hand down his mouth. He smiled at Gray who likewise grinned.

Zach rolled onto his back. They lay there, looking up at the ceiling listening to the sounds of their breathing, the crickets out the window.

“No matter what?” Gray asked abruptly.  

The words were a fragment of an important conversation they had shared on the island. The gist was that they would always be brothers despite life’s circumstances. It was a more than appropriate time to rehash an old promise.

“No matter what.” Zach reaffirmed.

He knew Gray was smiling.

 


End file.
